“If I could turn back time, I would choose adoption for our child.” When Luke and his girlfriend decided to get an abortion, it was a quick decision which he didn’t give much thought to. But now, years later, he can only wish they had seriously considered other alternatives. Here’s Luke, to share his story in his own words, as a caution to others who think that abortion is their only option.
My girlfriend was attending school overseas. After spending the summer together I said goodbye to her knowing we would not see each other for several months. Three months into her term, she discovered she was pregnant. I had just finished university and was starting to pay off my school debt. She was in her first year of post-graduate school. Feeling we were not ready to have a child emotionally or financially, we both decided the most practical decision was to have an abortion.
At the time it didn’t bother me too much but now, more than 5 years later, I feel incredibly guilty about our decision. For the past month or so I’ve felt incredible amounts of anxiety and depression. I’ve missed a lot of time at work and I find little to no joy in things I usually enjoy doing. If I could turn back time, I would choose adoption for our child. What I did haunts my thoughts almost 100% of the time. I feel so much guilt and grief towards the decision we made. At first it felt like the ‘practical’ thing to do but now it just feels selfish.
I can’t say what caused me to re-evaluate the abortion. Maybe it was a number of small things, or maybe it’s because I’m now an older, more mature person and I better understand the mistake I made in my youth.
Looking back, there are so many things I wish I had known back then. I wish I had more knowledge on fetal development and childbirth. I’ve come to realize that a fetus is far from just a “bundle of cells”. I wish I had known about organizations like the PCC. I wish I knew that there were resources out there that would counsel me and let me know that although abortion seems like a quick and easy fix, in reality it leads to feelings of loss, regret and guilt that stay with you long into the future.
The fact that the abortion is bothering me to this degree such a long time after it occurred makes me want to tell people to really think about this decision. Think, not just about how it makes you feel now, but think about how you might feel 1, 2, 5, 10 years down the road. It didn’t bother me too much 5 years ago but now it is the biggest regret of my life.
Luke first came to the Pregnancy Care Centre’s office to look into volunteering opportunities. He is now participating in the PCC’s “Forgiven and Set Free” Bible study with Carlos, a member of the PCC’s support team.
*To protect the privacy of the people concerned, names in this article have been changed.*