“Jay, we can’t have this baby – we can’t do this again.” Janice tells of her second pregnancy, and why she and her partner chose abortion. Be sure to watch part two, where Janice shares of the healing she found.
Well, my story begins… I was twenty when I had my son. I had my first son, and I found out when he was eight months that I was pregnant again. And that was, I think, more devastating than the first time.
When I had told [the father] that I was pregnant, the first thing he said was, “Jay, we can’t have this baby – we can’t do this again.” And I was shocked, because I did not expect that from him at all. So I ended up having the abortion. I didn’t tell anybody: it was just him and me that actually knew, this time around.
I had my son, so his father just dropped me off at the clinic that day. And he took my son, and I went in by myself… I went through the whole thing alone, pretty much. I remember just laying there with a row of other girls thinking, “What just happened?” Everything was in a daze.
I went home that night, and I think I just cried myself to sleep. I didn’t talk to anybody – there was no one to talk to, because we didn’t tell anybody. And [the father] didn’t say anything, and I didn’t really say anything.
And I think, from that day on, I kind of just pushed it aside. And just kind of went on with life, or tried to go on with life, because I still had a baby to take care of.
As time wore on, Janice felt regret.
If anybody mentioned an abortion, or the word “abortion,” or talked about it, I would want to cry, or felt so uncomfortable, or I felt angry, and I didn’t realize why.
…Regret… even more shame. I thought that it would take the shame away, but it didn’t. Even more shame came with that. Unforgiveness, resentment, guilt. Definitely guilt.
Janice found healing. Watch part 2 for the rest of her story.
Special thanks to Toyin Dada and Samuel Robertson of The Love Movement for permission to use this music.