Many people would say I am crazy for keeping my baby and in the beginning I thought so too. I was in a foreign country with absolutely NO family and nowhere to turn. My relationship with my child’s father was quickly deteriorating. What, where or who could I run to?
Having craved stability all my life, I found it very hard to even entertain the thought of stepping out into “a whole new world” on my own with no guarantees. At nights I cried and often prayed, but I was praying for a miscarriage, rather than God’s guidance. I eventually left staying with different friends each month, but it became too much for me.
Enough was enough. Desperate, with tears in my eyes I went searching for help online. I stumbled across the website IAmNotAlone.ca and decided to give them a call. It was almost 8pm and to my surprised someone answered and arranged to meet with me the following evening. The next evening while on my way to the Pregnancy Care Centre, everything that could go wrong did. I passed my stop and had to walk back 20 minutes in the rain. I was so mad, and I swore that I would go back home on the next bus that came by. Strangely enough, on that day in Toronto, not one bus passed me the entire time. I knew it was a sign.
I eventually got there and was greeted PCC staff and volunteers. You would think they knew me forever – they were so warm and welcoming. We spoke for over an hour about my options, and I left feeling more certain than ever that I wanted to keep my baby. After looking for places to stay, the PCC told me about a lady named Cathy who could host me way out in Oakville.
I reluctantly called “the famous Cathy B.” I use that title because everyone had only good things to say about this lady, and after one conversation with her I understood why. She was an angel in disguise. During our very first conversation this lady generously offered me a place to stay. Never before had I seen love or generosity like this.
Long story short, I stayed with Cathy and her amazing family for approximately one month until there was an opening at a maternity home. She treated me like her own child, which often brought me to tears because then I would start thinking about my mom. I left Cathy’s and have been staying at the maternity home up until today. It’s not where I want to be, but I know it’s where I need to be. So I am counting my blessings, as Cathy and my PCC friends would often remind me to do.
I have approximately 12 weeks to go before I give birth, and I am very excited. Now more than ever I’m happy I decided to keep my baby boy, whom I have decided to name Tristan. I fell in love just from looking at his ultrasound pictures.
While my story has not come to a complete and happy ending, I honestly think I have been blessed with my baby and the amazing people that God has made me cross paths with. The ladies at the maternity home have also been wonderful beyond imagination. And as my story continues to unfold, I will keep you posted about me and the love of my life “Baby Tristan.” (due June 11, 2015)
Baby Tristan – already cute as a button