Kate-Lynn is a friend of the PCC – she’s offered to share parts of her journey with us. This scene reveals the almost crippling pressure from the father of her child to terminate her pregnancy. Here’s how she gained the strength to make her own decision. To hear how she discovered she was pregnant, see the first part of her story – http://iamnotalone.ca/blog/posts/two-pink-lines
James* kept trying to say things in a very stern, forceful, almost yelling voice to get me to agree to terminate my pregnancy. I started crying and sat on the floor in the corner of the room. James would keep trying to persuade me, while I kept crying, asking God to help me, and saying to James, “No. I can’t.”
He told me how his sisters got pregnant and how hard it was for them and that he didn’t want to go through that. He told me how he had previously gotten another girl pregnant and she got an abortion. He threatened to “wreak havoc on my house” so that my parents would understand that “this can’t gwan” (go on.)
James kept going on and on with examples of negligent single mothers. I eventually starkly responded, “So you think I’m going to be like that?!” He answered, “No, but…” and went on rambling. The more I said “No” to abortion, the more he got aggravated and heated.
Texts flew back and forth. James: Please kate-lyn im beggin u i cant deal with this u dont understand but try to. My family will push me away further. My childhood was a mess.
When I had finally gotten home from my long day at work, I responded to him by text: I get it. I truly do and I can see where you’re coming from and why you don’t want this. I can never fully understand because I’m not in your shoes…but I do get it. But you’re trying to talk me into doing something wrong. You’ve [gotten] me to have sex with you…and the last time I was so angry that I let you do that…but in all honesty there is nothing you can say or do that will make me do what you are asking me now. The only thing that’s giving me hope right now is the fact that I know God will always provide, that God has this child’s life in His hands, and He’s going to take care of this life. And I’m going to do everything possible to be a good mother.
James called again. This call was different though. I was sitting on my mattress and holding the phone up to my left ear. When he started talking – well, more like yelling – I felt this overwhelming bad feeling come over me from the left and over my whole body. As he continued to yell at me, the only thing I could pray was, “God, help me. I need You.”
Let me just pause here for a moment and tell you more about myself. When people are yelling at me, I stay quiet. When I’m feeling attacked, uncomfortable, insecure, or what have you, I stutter, I mumble, I mix up my words like I have vocal dyslexia. But whenever I responded to James this whole phone call, it wasn’t me who was talking, it was all the Holy Spirit… It was said with such confidence, clarity, and authority.
Seeing the conversation wasn’t going anywhere, I hung up the phone. I burst into tears, but not because I was overwhelmed, and not because I was hurt. I burst into tears because I was so thankful. I was thankful because God showed up and was clearly with me through the whole conversation. He helped me through it. With every condemning word that challenged my identity in Christ, with every lie that challenged God’s character and promises, verses that exposed the lie and told me the truth came to mind. So even while James said nasty, hurtful, deceitful things, my faith never wavered – it only strengthened.
As I remembered those verses and those truths, I remembered who God is and what that meant for me. I took courage and knew what I was standing for was right. I thanked God for being so faithful to me by being there, helping me, and for strengthening my faith. That’s what I remember the most from that phone call – God’s presence.
*Name changed to protect privacy.