I was 33, separated, and heading toward divorce. And pregnant –the result of a brief, foolish affair punctuating the end of my marriage.
The consequences of my actions were devastating. How could I face our friends? My coworkers? Family members? Emotionally and financially, how could I raise a child?
I made the appointment tearfully, while the woman on the other end of the line chuckled at my sentimentality. “It’s not that big of a deal,” she ridiculed. Despite this reassurance, I remained desperate to validate the decision.
How I wanted to believe what was in me wasn’t a baby. But every scientific argument pointed towards life, not a clump of cells or an unviable mass. Still I searched.
Finally, Psalm 139:13-16 provided the clear, definitive answer.
A dear friend graciously contacted the clinic (saving me the pain of talking to that awful woman again) and canceled on my behalf. The choice had been made.
My mother also confided that she once faced a similar decision. She made the same choice, ultimately allowing me to type this post today.
My ex-husband chose forgiveness and supported my decision. Friends, colleagues, and family chose to embrace Jerri in Christian love.
Jerri’s father became a remarkable daddy. She is the apple of his eye; he is the painter of her toenails and the coach of her soccer team. His new wife, Jerri’s wonderful stepmom, gives her warm snuggles and is the only person who has bested her at the game of Memory. Jerri’s stepdad and stepbrothers delight in her precocious banter and her enthusiasm for superheroes and American Ninja Warrior. She is further blessed beyond measure by loving grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends.
And I get to be her Mama –a title as undeserved as it is improbable. As it turns out, I have an autoimmune condition that should have made it virtually impossible to conceive and carry a baby to term naturally. Jerri is a miracle.
Life is about choices. Clearly, I’ve made some lousy ones. But, thanks be to God, I chose life.
Unplanned parenthood. The most beautiful mistake I ever made.
Traci & Jerri today