“How could someone just give up their baby? Don’t they love her? Won’t she feel abandoned?” There are a lot of questions surrounding adoption. We asked Karmyn, who is adopted, some of those hard questions. Here is her response. In part two, she talks about the heart-wrenching circumstances in which she was conceived.
“It wasn’t abandonment: it was out of a motive of love that [my birth mom] would choose to place me in a home where I would be cared for well.”
Karmyn tells her own story:
“I have always known I was adopted, which I just consider such a gift. My parents did such a wonderful job of making it seem like a privilege and something that made us very special.
I have two brothers as well who are adopted. It was just very normative in our family to talk about adoption and have that be something that was normal and very special. I always remember in school, my friends felt like they need to tip-toe around the issue – they were like, “Oh, oh, I’m sorry that you were adopted.”
But I loved talking about it, I loved having that piece of who I was. I have two parents who just love me so much. I’m so thankful that was a part of my childhood.
It’s something I feel like I always had knowledge of. As we got older, the explanation was that my birth mom wasn’t ready to have a baby, and she wanted me to be in a family that had two loving parents.
It was always explained from a motive of love, which was something that I really embraced – that my birth mom placed me for adoption: not out of abandonment. But it was out of motive of love that she would choose to place me in a home where I could be cared for well.
The moment we met is just one of those moments you can’t really forget –the impact that your life is about to change forever… Something you wondered about, this puzzle piece you never really had was about to be put in the puzzle of your life.
It was really incredible. I remember when I met her, she was so thankful because I was the one who actually had pursued the search process. She said, “I am so thankful you did. I always wanted to, but I was afraid because any memory I have of you is a bad one, I was afraid for that, but I’m ready to start making good ones.”
It wasn’t instantly normal and easy and there were moments of awkwardness, and just learning what does it mean to define a relationship with someone who you are biologically and relationally intertwined with, but she’s not the mother who raised me… learning what that means. But it’s been so special and we have a really fantastic relationship and I’m so thankful for that.
Those first few meetings were really about sharing stories. One of the cool things that my mom had done was she had made an album of my life with photos and stuff. That was a gift that she wanted to give to my birth mom as a thank you for giving me up to them. That was a really cool starting point for the first time we met… to go through that and talk about the life that I was able to have, which was such a gift for her. There were lots of tears and lots of really emotional moments.
Over the thirteen years there has been just such a cool progression, and a part that was really a game changer was when we started to have kids. She became a grandmother and that was never something she had ever anticipated ever being able to do. So for her, the story of God just redeeming her life – and she’s not a believer—is really neat. For her to say things like, ‘I never expected to find you, let alone get to be a grandma.’