In part one of Karmyn’s story, she shares what it was like to grow up as an adopted child, and meeting her birth mother. Here she talks about a defining moment in her life: discovering she was conceived through rape.
“God is still in the business of bringing redemption, and saying ‘I have incredible things planned…’ If [my birth mom] had chosen to write that story differently, the ending now 33 years later would have been so different.”
Below you’ll find the beautiful letter Karmyn’s birth mom wrote to her as she said goodbye, and a snapshot of Karmyn’s family today. Find the transcript for the video here.
Letter from Karmyn’s birth mom
I am addressing you by this name because it was the name that I chose for you when you were born. I chose these names for you because they are the names of two women that I love and respect very much.
I wanted to write to you this letter to try and explain why I gave you up for adoption. This was a very difficult decision to make. I wanted you to have both a mother and a father, something that I could not give you. I also know that there are many couples that want to have children very much that cannot have their own. I hoped that my child would bring them the love and happiness they deserve. There are a few factors that affected my decision but I won’t go into all of them now, maybe someday in the future.
I suspect that you might want to know about your father. There is very little that I can tell you about him. I only knew him for a few hours. I didn’t want to have a sexual relationship with him and I tried to stop him but eventually I gave up. I never saw him again. Therefore all that I can tell you is that he is an ________ about ___ years old. He was working for the_________ in the ________. I’m sorry that I can’t tell you anything more about him.
There is just one more thing that I want to tell you. Although I’m giving you up for adoption, I will always love you. I will pray that I have made the right decision and that you have a healthy, happy life with much love. I will also pray that you won’t hate me for giving you up and that some day we will meet. I will never forget you.
“My circumstance is that my birth mom was raped. I think so often, if ever there’s a circumstance where everyone feels that, ‘yes, this is a legitimate reason to abort,’ that would be it.
And to know that she had the courage not to do that… That was one of the most defining moments in my entire life, when I learned that piece of information. And then the words of Psalm 139 where God says, “I knit you together in your mother’s womb, and I have every single one of your days written in my book.” They have never rang more true. If God can take something so terrible as a circumstance like that –and often circumstances are terrible even if it’s not a rape, but just something that’s unwanted—there’s a lot of not great emotions with that and it’s okay to not to have a lot of not great emotions.
But God is still in the business of bringing redemption and saying, “I have incredible things planned for that child’s life.” And so, when I hear stories of moms who are in a tough spot in their pregnancy, not knowing what decision to make because it’s really hard to think past the nine months or think what is the life this child going to look like… to know that God has it all mapped out. The beauty and the gift that have come from my life astounds me, to know that God’s grace brings me through every single day.
There so many unknowns and she probably wrestled a lot what decisions to make. It was not an easy decision to choose to keep me. She actually kept it a secret because she didn’t want her family to wrestle with the shame it might bring. She had a lot of courage and did a lot of things on her own. If she had chosen to write that story differently, the ending now thirty-three years later would have been so different.
I think that there’s such a neat opportunity to trust God with the unknown and say, ‘I don’t know what this is going to look like. Right now it really sucks and I’m doing it a lot of it alone.’ But think about 33 years down the road: the story that could potentially be written if you choose to trust that God not only has a plan for your baby, but God has a plan for you.
Thirty three years down the road those lives may intersect once again, and you get to see all those chapters later… maybe you do and maybe you don’t. But what a cool opportunity to hear and remember the truth that God loves you so very much, and to choose into that love, even though the unknowns look pretty terrible at the moment.
Karmyn sees spiritual meaning in adoption
God uses it as common imagery to talk about how we are his children, and how the idea of adoption is just as legitimate and just as valuable as a biological birth.
I think that’s why there are so many verses that talk about being adopted as God’s sons and daughters. I think it always strikes me as someone who is adopted: I always had a choice as to how I was going to embrace that. I could choose to reject it, I could choose to struggle with believing I was loved. Thankfully I didn’t: I just understood the love that was behind that. But no matter what choice I made, the truth didn’t change that I been adopted and that my parents chose me out of love, out of absolute love.
And then when I look at what God says in the Bible about adoption, the truth is that we all have access to that adoption. Each of us gets to choose: do we believe it? do we reject it, or do we embrace it? Do we live life in such a way that we just live freely because God loves us? Or do we wrestle with that and say, “God you aren’t good, God you made things hard.” However we choose to respond doesn’t change the truth that God wants each of to be his kids. He has a plan for each of us.